


Dance It Off

by gardener



Category: Justin Bieber (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dance, Eating Disorders, First Time, M/M, Purpose World Tour, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-17 16:21:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5877478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gardener/pseuds/gardener
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hayden Somerfield is a twenty-five years old father of daughter Braelynn. He is a dancer, who has been on tour with a.o. Michael Jackson and Madonna. Now that his daughter is six years old, he thinks it's time for a new challenge: The Purpose World Tour by Justin Bieber.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. About You

Dancers were seen as enviable, certain and occupation-insecure members of society. Of course there was a reason for that: you had a great body and needed to be confident, but had to audition every other day in order to maintain a sustainable financial life.

Everything was different for Hayden Somerfield. He hadn’t planned it to go the way it did, either, but it had happened and he had decided that he would make the best of it. Things had changed, since Michael Jackson had died in June 2009. The man, seventeen when he started and nineteen when MJ passed away, had danced on tour and in music videos of the man for two years. His job was secure and he led a good life. But then _she_ came along.  
Sarah, a one night stand he’d had in Malibu, winter 2008 – 2009. She had tracked him down, because she needed him to know. Sarah was pregnant. The child was his. He was only eighteen, then, and would turn nineteen years old soon. The mother of his child was seventeen when she gave birth to a daughter. Hayden had a lot of contact with her, during the pregnancy, and he took good care of her He saw her health as his responsibility, because she was carrying _his_ child. They were not romantically interested in each other, but kept in contact and saw each other a lot. Sarah’s parents were horrified when they found out about her pregnancy. She was still in High School and there was no way she would be able to raise a child in such a stage of her life. Therefore, with a lot of trouble within his own family, he decided to take full custody of the child.

Braelynn Somerfield was born on September 9, throwing Hayden’s old life in the bin. He was going to be a responsible father and really, really needed a secure job, now. Apart from a Performing Arts degree, he had no diplomas, so he was assigned to the same thing he had been doing, before.   
Fortunately, within two months of auditioning, he had been chosen as the new dancer for Madonna’s world tour. It was the opportunity of a lifetime to sky-rocket his carrier. That was exactly what happened. He took baby Braelynn with him and babysitters played with her as he was dancing. It was a good life, but the tour lasted only a year and then he was back down. Madonna was closer to her dancers than Hayden had first expected. She sang for Braelynn and it was fun to hang out with her when she had time. Really, Hayden was lucky to work for her. It was tough,  but when the year was over, he had to find a new focus. The tour had made him very stable, financially, so he had no rush finding a new job. He had gotten incredible support from his family while he was back to auditioning. His twin brother, Valentine, babysat Braelynn all the time and she loved Uncle Val.

Hayden had not expected raising a child to be this hard. It felt like an awful lot of responsibility and he wasn’t quite ready for that. Nobody’s ever really ready for that, though, so it wasn’t much of a surprise that twenty years old Hayden didn’t know what to do.

He didn’t go on tour again, but stuck with dancing in video clips and entertainment programs such as The Voice, American Idol and America’s Got Talent. He had a lot of time for his daughter and watched her grow up very quickly. Braelynn was an absolute doll: beautiful and a pink cloud of fantasy. When she learned how to speak, she would have long conversations with her dad without really knowing what she was talking about.

Braelynn was six and a half years old, now, and she was already very clever. That, she had from her father, Hayden was sure. Sarah had moved to Central LA, which was close to Beverly Hills, where Hayden lived with their daughter. Braelynn was at her mother’s every other weekend, now that Sarah was old enough to take care of her. She lived together with her fiancée,  Leonard, and Hayden thought he was a good guy. Braelynn liked him, too, and got along with her mother very well. It was nice to have some time for himself, so he was very grateful for Sarah’s decision to have Braelynn once in a while, too. Valentine still watched her a lot, too, as they lived in the same street. Hayden was still single and not looking, either. He didn’t think it was very correct to bring a new person into Braelynn’s life, just yet. She was just adapting to having a mother and to-be-stepfather.

He still danced a lot, the same as he did before, but now that Braelynn was old enough, he wanted to get more serious about it, again.

 

The room was big and full of people, but Hayden was assigned to number 7, so he would be called into the auditioning room soon enough. Everybody got five minutes of _No Pressure_ and a studied choreography from Nick Demoura to show the judges their talent. If Hayden had danced for Michael Jackson, he thought he could dance for _everybody_ , so Justin Bieber was next up. He needed a new dancers team for his _Purpose_ world tour, which was starting on short term. March, to be exact. He needed dancers and quickly.

‘Number seven: Hayden Somerfield.’ He stood up from the ground he was stretching on and walked towards the door. The man took one more, deep breath and marched into the auditioning room. Nick Demoura was seated on the left, with Bieber next to him, and two women Hayden didn’t recognize on the other side of the pop singer.

‘Hello,’ said Demoura. ‘Tell us something about yourself, will you?’

‘Of course,’ smiled Hayden. He didn’t know nerves, but there was something intimidating about the way the four people were seated behind that table. ‘I’m Hayden Somerfield, twenty-five years old. I’ve been on tour with Michael Jackson and Madonna and have danced for The Voice, American Idol and America’s Got Talent since I was seventeen. I absolutely do not lack the experience.’

‘Sounds promising,’ Bieber smiled. ‘Show us what you’ve got.’ The music started and Hayden danced. He danced his heart out for the four people watching and the camera rolling. He noticed Bieber snapping a couple of pictures, but didn’t blame him. Teenage boys wanted to take pictures of everything, he had found out recently. His body moved naturally and automatically. Hayden sweated enough for his arms to bling a little. When the music wore down and Hayden cooled, the judges looked impressed. ‘Thank you for existing, Hayden Somerfield. I loved it. You’re in.’

‘Wow, wow, wait a second,’ Demoura argued. ‘You can’t decide that on your own, buddy. Thank you, mister Somerfield, you’ll be hearing from us, soon.’

‘You’ve seen him dance. He’s great _and_ he’s danced for MJ on tour. I want him in my team, Nick, I _need_ him in my team. Just get over your proud and tell him he’s in.’ Nick Demoura shook his head. ‘Well, thanks Hayden, you’ll be hearing from us very soon anyways.’ Bieber winked and clapped his hands. Hayden shook all of their hands quickly and left the room. That was a success, he thought, and went home by car. The auditions were held in Hollywood, which was incredibly close to his house. He could’ve gone by bicycle, really, but he was not much of a cycler, in all honesty.

 

‘That was… easy,’ said Hayden when he was having dinner with Valentine and Braelynn, that night. ‘I mean, it was almost _too_ easy. There must be something in the water.’

‘Daddy?’

‘Brae.’

‘Does that mean I can meet Justin Bieber?’ Hayden bit his lower lip. Madonna was a very family-orientated person, so he had no trouble showing Braelynn to her, but he knew nearly nothing about Justin Bieber. It sounded very irrational and stupid, but he thought having a child could be an extreme downer for him. They often assumed he didn’t have enough time for the job, or wouldn’t be able to perform well if he hadn’t seen Braelynn for too long. When the vacancy came free and he found out about it, he had immediately decided that going on tour would be good, but how about Braelynn? There would be multiple breaks during the tour, in which he could go home, and he had already talked to Valentine and his mother about taking care of Braelynn. When she was just a baby, she could go on tour with him, but now she had school and friends. Things had obviously changed, a lot.

‘Of course you can meet Justin Bieber!’ he lied. ‘And if it turns out that daddy didn’t get the job, I’ll make sure you can meet him anyways.’ He was already making up strange conspiracy theories in his head. He needed to stop doing that, _now_. Braelynn squealed in happiness. Hayden hated himself.

 

The next morning at 9 AM, Hayden was having a cup of coffee and a bowl of oatmeal. He had brought Braelynn to school, which started at 8.30, and was enjoying his alone time when he got a phone call from SB Projects.

‘Hayden Somerfield speaks.’

_‘Good morning, mister Somerfield, you’re speaking to Nancy Lefebvre, head of contact and coordination at SB Projects. You have done a dance audition for the Justin Bieber Purpose world tour yesterday, is that correct?’_

‘Yes, that is correct.’ He really hoped she was calling with good news. Bieber had seemed very enthusiastic about his performance, so he certainly had some hope, but not enough to be sure.

 _‘I’m calling to congratulate you! You have been assigned to the job as principal dancer,’_ said Nancy Lefebvre.  Hayden was incredibly relieved to hear that. He had a job, again, finally, and as a principal dancer. That was way better than what he had expected.

‘Thank you!’ he said, smiling to himself. ‘I’m very glad to hear that!’

_‘ Great! You are expected tomorrow afternoon, 3 PM, at the auditioning hall, to meet the other dancers. Mister Bieber and mister Demoura shall be present to give you proper information about the occupation and tell you what is next.’_

‘Thanks for calling, miss,’ showed Hayden his appreciation. ‘I will be there, tomorrow. Have a nice day!’ He practically heard the woman on the other side of the line smile. It must be nice to bring good news to people. She sounded very enthusiastic.

 _‘Have a nice day, you, too!’_ And with that, the contact was broken. He immediately called his brother to tell the news, followed by his mother. They were very happy to hear the novelty and Valentine immediately proposed to buy him a drink in town, which he accepted.

It was nice, having a wine with his brother in a café downtown. They talked about Braelynn and how they were going to make sure she would be good, while Hayden was on the Purpose tour. He had been to Europe before, once, when he was on tour with Madonna, but that was certainly the thing he was most liberated about. He called Sarah, who was working as a fresh-out-of-college-accountant, to tell her about it. He’d already given her some details about the work and the tour and she was more than happy to take more custody over Braelynn while he was away. She would stay with Valentine four days a week, as he worked from home, and spend three days at Sarah’s. The tour was of almost a year, but after the USA and Canada leg, they had a two month break, which he could spend with his daughter. Sometimes he wished he had gotten a more regular job, but that wasn’t his passion, so the option was crossed out.

 

3 PM, the next day, and Hayden was standing in a room with eleven other dancers, Justin Bieber and Nick Demoura.

‘Good afternoon,’ said the singer. ‘’s Good to have you all here. Congratulations on making it to the team! That you are standing here, means we have faith in you as dancers _and_ as people. I’ll be touring with all of you, starting on the ninth of march, when I will – _hella_ – have just turned twenty-two. I’m really looking forward to it and hope you all are, too.’ Some enthusiastic sounds were let out by the dancers. ‘I think it’s good if we start with a little introduction round.’

They played a game to get to know each other and talked for hours, dancing a bit, but mainly just getting to know each other by talking and practice. Hayden found that most of the dancers had a flexibility like elastic and good moves. He quickly became friends with Marc (Marcus Hollo, “but you can call me Marc”), who had danced for Madonna in the tour before the one Hayden had joined her team. They clicked right away. Marc had turned twenty-seven years old recently and that made him the eldest of the team, but the way his body was proportioned and the dance he showed, made it seem like he was one of the youngest. The judges had chosen him purely on experience, he was convinced, but Hayden said it was probably because he was an _amazing_ dancer. They showed some videos of themselves dancing in different settings and were enthusiastic. They then exchanged phone numbers within the dancing team and made a groups chat on WhatsApp, so they could easily contact each other. It was a fun day that started at three and ended at ten. They had dinner with the fourteen of them (the dancers, Bieber and Demoura), in the studio itself. A cooking team brought them meals.

When the day was over, Hayden was rather exhausted. He was really looking forward to going home, where Valentine was babysitting Braelynn, and cuddle up to his daughter. But then Bieber walked up to him, looking extremely  tired. His hair was peaked in all ways and his eyes small and slightly red.

‘Hey,’ he said. Hayden smiled. ‘’m Glad you made it to the team. I really wanted you in.’

‘Oh, thank you,’ said the elder. ‘I’m really glad I made it, too. The dancers are really nice and I’m sure I can entertain myself very well with them during the tour. Di’you have a good day?’

‘Sure did,’ Bieber smiled. ‘Our team is really close, you know? We’re like family. It’s been really hard to let the other dancers go, but they were all assigned to new occupations within this branch and I just… I thought it was getting time to expand the team with new power. I think Nick and I did really well picking. You all seem friends, already.’

‘Justin?’ He looked up. ‘I think you should go home and sleep for a little while. You look tired.’

‘Yeah, yeah, that’d be nice. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

‘It’s Saturday tomorrow, hun. I’ll see you on Monday. Good night.’

 

Hayden found Valentine sleeping in his bed with Braelynn  next to him, cuddling up to him closely. It was an adorable sight and he decided that there would be enough space to crawl in beside them. He took a shower, brushed his teeth and went to bed with a smile plastered on his face. However, some tears escaped when he thought about his daughter. He had the opportunity to see her every day, now, but in a while, he’d be able to see her once a month. Hayden had told none of the dancers that he had a little girl at home, but it would have to be spoken about at some point. There was Skype, of course, and Braelynn would get all the attention she needed from their surroundings, but it wasn’t the same.

 

Saturday morning was, apart from Sunday morning, the best morning there was. He was having a cup of black coffee and a bowl of oatmeal, like usually, and Braelynn was eating cornflakes with milk and sipping from her warm rooibos tea with two sugar cubes. Hayden was reading the news on his phone.

‘Brae?’ The girl looked up from her cornflakes. ‘I love you. Do you know that I love you?’ She nodded enthusiastically.

‘Course I know, daddy, love you too!’ Hayden smiled.

‘What do you wanna do, today? It’s really nice out.’ He thought for a minute, stroking his stubble beard with his index finger and thumb. Braelynn copied her dad. ‘We could go to the beach. Would you like that?  She nodded heavily.

They had a fun-filled day. Hayden took her to the beach in Santa Monica, where they went by car. A fifteen minute drive felt like a two hour one, when Braelynn was a little bit younger, but she was growing more patient and didn’t ask if they were almost there every two minutes. Braelynn bought sand castles and they took a few dips. Hayden bought her and himself ice cream, which she happily ate up. Hayden felt extremely happy to have her.

Back home, they chalked on the street together with some music playing. Valentine came around later on and they had a beer in the sun of their backyard. They didn’t live in the luxury side of Beverly Hills, but their house was great for the two of them to live in. He was incredibly happy to have bought it, a couple of years ago and hoped to live there for a long time.


	2. For Coffee

Monday morning, he brought Braelynn to school and talked to her teacher. His daughter had started first grade in the beginning of this school year and Mrs. Cooper was very liberated about the steps the girls had made. She was very clever, according to the woman, and was far ahead of the rest of the class. That, she got from her mother. Hayden was very intelligent, too, but Sarah was an early bloomer, just like Braelynn. He just really hoped she didn’t grow up too fast.

It was 9 AM and the dancers were all standing by the barre, stretching their limbs in ways that only dancers could. Justin was doing the same thing. He didn’t have to dance so much, but said he wanted to be present at as many training as time would let him.

‘How was your weekend?’ Hayden asked Marc.

‘Great, actually! I went out with my friends for the first time in _ages_. What did you do?’ Hayden wanted to tell him about his trip to the beach with Braelynn and the chalking, but decided against it.

‘I just stayed home, mostly, and had a few beers with my brother in the backyard. Loved how the weather wasn’t too nerve wrecking. There was a little breeze!’ Los Angeles had multiple downsides, but Hayden didn’t count the weather to it. Sometimes it was a little bit too hot, but he could live with that. Having Braelynn grow up in an environment in which she could be outdoors as much as possible. Fresh air and oxygen were essential for good health and he wished nothing less for his daughter.

‘Sounds nice. The weather was, indeed, really nice.’ Justin came to stand next to Hayden and sipped from his water bottle. Some of it spilled onto the front of his black tank top. He was very skinny, which surprised Hayden a little. He had seen him in all those Calvin Klein campaigns and he honesty looked way fuller and more muscular in them. Photoshop did a lot, but Hayden thought this was a rather shocking difference.

‘How are you?’ asked Justin.

‘Good, yeah, great,’ he answered. ‘Slept around the clock, so I had a good rest this weekend. How about you? Did you sleep nice and long?’ He couldn’t help but feel some concerns over the singer. He didn’t look healthy. But how well did he know him?

‘Yeah, was alright. I just stayed home, really, how about you?’ Hayden told him the same thing he had told Marc and Justin seemed to dream away a little, so he quickly stopped talking. ‘I’m going outside for a bit. You wanna come?’ Hayden nodded. Once they were out of the building, Justin lit a Marlboro cigarette, which made Hayden jump a little.

‘Since when do you smoke?’

‘I don’t know, since a while, but I only got addicted recently, I think.’ He took whiffs like it was his job. Hayden was afraid he would start crying any time, now. His face looked like that of somebody who was about to burst out in tears.

‘I know it’s not easy,’ started the elder. ‘but you should quit. It’s not good for your voice and you’re a really good singer. I quit, too, a few years ago, after a stressful period. Your life must be full of stress, I understand that. I can see you looking, but trust me, I _do_ understand stress.’

‘You don’t seem the person.’

‘Well, you don’t seem the person to smoke.’

‘What type of stress have you had, that makes you believe you understand me? I can’t really imagine anything that would be as stressful as having people follow you all the time and always having to add up to standards people make for you, even when you are just a young person with-’

‘I have a six years old daughter,’ he interrupted. ‘Trust me, I _know_ stress.’

‘What?’

‘Yes.’

‘How old are you, anyways? Like, twenty-five? How young _were_ you when you decided it’d be fun to have a kid? That’s just stupid.’

‘Nineteen, and it’s not like I _decided_ to have a kid, Justin. You need to stop pulling conclusions so easily. It’s not the same for everybody. I know that your mom, for a fact, had you at a really young age. My daughter’s mom was _seventeen_ when she had Braelynn. Her parents disowned her. Stop being a bratty little douchebag about it. It’s not easy.’

‘No, I… I understand that. ‘m Sorry.’ Hayden, unexpectedly, saw a tear running down Justin’s cheek, and another one, followed by _another_ one. ‘Gosh, sorry, I’m just… You should go back inside. I’ll be there in a minute.’

‘No, Justin, why are you crying? What’s wrong?’ The tears were coming in a quicker tempo now and Hayden didn’t like it. ‘What’s wrong, Justin?’

‘I just… I don’t like it when people yell at me. I’m sorry, it’s not your fault. I just… I just don’t like it. I’ll be inside in a few minutes, just give me some time for myself.’ God, what the fuck was that? Hayden felt bad for him. Behind every fear was an experience. He wanted to help, but didn’t know how. ‘Just go, okay? I just need some time.’

‘Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry, I’ll go.’ He walked away, but turned around after a few steps, walking back up to him and wrapping his arms around the crying boy quickly. Justin sobbed uncontrollably into his chest, his fists balling in Hayden’s shirt. Hayden couldn’t believe he had almost just walked away and left it for what it was. People were unpredictable. Justin just needed a friend. The man stroked the singer’s hair and rubbed his back softy. ‘It’s okay, Justin, it’s okay. I just sort of let myself go. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you hate it when people yell at you. Hey, can you look at me?’ Justin shook his head, but Hayden tilted his chin with his fingers, anyways. His eyes were red and his hair stuck to his forehead with tears.

‘I’m sorry,’ cried the boy. ‘I shouldn’t have said that you don’t understand stress.’

‘Wow, wow, that’s okay, Justin. You couldn’t have known that I have a daughter or any source of stress in my life, but most people do in fact know stress, you know that?’ Justin nodded. ‘You’re okay, sweetheart, you’re okay.’ The nickname seemed to get the boy clutching his shirt even harder. This escalated very quickly. Hayden really just wanted to curl him up in a bunch of blankets and make coffee and tea for him all day, but they really had to get back to work. His protective nature was both a blessing and a curse. ‘Now, dry those tears and let’s go back inside. Smoke another cigarette if you feel the need. We’re gonna dance it out, okay? Always works, trust me.’ Justin nodded. ‘You trust me?’ He nodded again. ‘Okay, let’s go.’

The rest of the day went rather smoothly. They danced for four hours and Hayden asked Justin if he wanted to grab some lunch with him in the city, but he declined, saying that he didn’t like eating in public. Hayden thought he understood that, so they just ate in the studio. Hayden with the dancers in the canteen, Justin in the other room with Nick Demoura and Scooter Braun, who had come around to meet the dancers. Scooter was his manager, who owned SB (Scooter Braun) Projects. He didn’t have a leading factor in the dancing, but if he would have had that, Hayden wouldn’t have minded. He seemed like a really nice and caring man.

When Hayden went to the toilet, he heard crying coming from the room in which the three were having lunch, together with some yells and things being thrown around. It sounded like a murder scene, but Hayden, ignoring his concerns, tried not to think too much of it. This was the second time today (and ever) that he had seen Bieber crying. He had honestly not quite taken him for such a sensitive person, but of course, such things said nothing.

Hayden thought about it for the entire day. He couldn’t let it go, not even when he and Marc got a drink at a nice café in town, not even when Braelynn wrapped her little arms around his neck and let him swing her through the room.

 

Tuesday, there was no practice, but Justin stood on his doorstep a 1.30 PM with the message that he would like to have a coffee with Hayden. Of course, Hayden was fine, _good_ , with that, and he made  a black coffee for the both of them.

‘I’m sorry you had to see me cry, yesterday. I really didn’t mean to break down in front of you. ‘s Just hard, y’know? Sometimes things don’t go like you want them to, so I guess I couldn’t really help it.’

‘Hey, that’s fine. You just needed somebody to talk to and that’s logical. Everybody has that, sometimes. I do, too. I have my brother for that, but you don’t have any elder or same-aged siblings around, do you?’ Justin shook his head.

‘I have a little sister of seven and a brother of six, but I’m the one who has to comfort them, of course. They’re my half-siblings. I don’t see them a lot, at the moment, but when I do, I always have a good time. Your daughter is six, right?’ Hayden nodded. ‘That’s cute. What is she like?’

‘In one word: excited.’ Justin laughed. ‘She’s very clever for her age and extraordinarily beautiful. I mean, that’s what every parent would say, but she’s _gorgeous_. The most beautiful little girl I’ve ever seen in my life. Braelynn, is her name. I sort of promised myself not to tell any of the dancers, or you, about her, because it would make things complicated, but I couldn’t help but let it slip, yesterday. I felt like you needed to know that everybody has something in life to stress about. And a child… _God_ , what a time and effort sit in a little human.’

‘It doesn’t change anything, that you have a child. I bet you just didn’t expect me to actually interact so much with the dancers.’

‘Yeah, I guess that’s true. I didn’t expect you to come over for coffee and stuff, but I’m really glad you do, boss.’  He winked.

‘God, don’t call me boss. ‘m On the same level as you are, really, just the main attraction. Also, I’m not actually your boss. I think Scooter may actually be your boss, or Nick. Something like that. Within a team, there’s not really a _boss_ , you know? There’s a leader, but you’re your own boss. I like that.’

‘You winked at me at the auditions,’ Hayden remembered. ‘What was that?’

‘Attraction,’ laughed Justin, seemingly not knowing shame, which was _obviously_ a lie, as he was too shy to eat in public and apologized for things he couldn’t even help.

‘Attraction? You’re attracted to me?’

‘Yeah, I mean, you’re good looking and you dance really good. Now that I know some more things about you, I feel like I may be even more attracted to you.’

‘ _Wow_ , that was basically the last thing I had expected to hear from you. Justin Bieber is attracted to men?’ He nodded, now blushing anyways. ‘Real honest of you to tell me. I mean, your secret’s safe here, but I guess you’ve already came up with that fact, considering you just told me something _quite_ explicit.’ Justin laughed and  nodded. Hayden wasn’t shocked or thought differently of the boy, but he was sort of surprised, anyways. Of course he was surprised. Justin Bieber, his boss, _colleague_ , something like that, had just told him he felt attracted to him.

‘You have a tattoo,’ said Justin, looking at his neck. Hayden laughed and nodded. ‘Are you married?’ He shook his head. ‘What’s with the puzzle piece, then?’

‘Well, as you see, it has multiple sides it can be attached to. I don’t really believe that there’s one person in life that is necessarily  the one your puzzle piece fits together with. It basically represents that there’s more than one piece that could be attached: there’s more than one person in life that could win over your heart. I thought, when I got it, it’d be nice if the people who had my heart, and whose heart I have, took the same piece, but the other way, so they could also pass it to other people. And I would be the trend setter of many people having a multiple sided puzzle piece tattooed on their body.’

‘That’s a really cool thing to think of,’ said Justin, looking like he was thinking out loud.

‘Do you come by all your dancers for coffee or am I an exception?’

‘That’d be way too time-consuming, but I should make a list of the ones I have visited, probably. You just speak to me and I think we could be good, like, friends, if we got to know each other better.’

‘I’d really like to get to know you better.’ And it was as if something snapped in the both of them, at that moment, because before either knew, Justin was straddling his lap with their lips pressed firmly against each other. Their tongues explored each other’s mouths and their hands roamed their bodies. It was all very familiar, it seemed, and Hayden picked him up to lead him to the bedroom, upstairs. The lifting was easy. Justin was very light. He threw him on the bed and went to hoover atop of him. He tried to take off Justin’s shirt, but he clutched it tightly.

‘Can I keep it on?’

‘Of course, yeah, sure, I’m sorry.’ If he didn’t feel comfortable being exposed like that, Hayden didn’t have a problem with him keeping his shirt on. ‘Can I feel under it, though?’

‘I’d… Rather not.’  Hayden nodded and smiled. He took his own shirt off and worked Justin’s belt loose, before taking off his jeans. His boxers were tenting with his erection. Hayden stroked him, taking off his own jeans in the progress. ‘Go slow, okay? I just…’ He murmured something under his breath, that Hayden couldn’t hear.

‘What’d you say?’ He murmured the same thing again. ‘I can’t hear you.’

‘I’ve never done this before,’ he whispered, just above a breath. Hayden wasn’t shocked to hear that (a little surprised, maybe, but being on the bottom for the first time at twenty-one wasn’t strange).

‘You can be on top, if you want to? I mean, if you’re scared it’ll hurt, you don’t have to bottom. I’ve done it a few times, so I can do it again if that makes you feel better?’

‘No, no,’ smiled Justin. ‘’s Alright, as long as you go slow.’

‘I’ll go easy on you, buddy,’ he winked. Justin smiled and nodded. Hayden took off the boy’s boxer shorts slowly. His shaft lay beautifully spread out on his lower belly (which was covered by his white T-shirt). His size was nice, probably above average, and very pretty with a nice, dark pink and leaking head showing off. Hayden took off his own boxers, too. The singer looked at him.

‘You’re… You’re big.’ Hayden laughed, because that came out really funny and awkward, but he stopped laughing when he saw that Justin looked scared. He kissed his cheek.

‘’s Alright, it’s gonna be fine. Just gonna prepare you very well, you probably know the drill, yeah?’ Justin nodded, but seemed unsure. ‘You _have_ had sex with a man before, haven’t you?’

‘Not… Not really,’ quivered Justin. ‘But it’s fine! I’m really, _really_ into this!’

‘It’s fine, Jus, it’s fine. A first time for everything, right?’ The boy nodded, his lips curling up into a smile. ‘So, you don’t know the drill, but you _must_ be familiar with it. Like, porn-based.’ Justin nodded, his cheeks heating up a little. ‘I watch porn, too, not everybody is an angel.’ They laughed for a moment. Hayden grabbed a few condoms and a bottle of lubricant from the drawer of his nightstand. He put on some music and kissed Justin’s body up and down, as far as he was allowed. He felt a little insecure about touching the boy’s chest and stomach, as he refused to take off his shirt, but didn’t let that bother him too much. ‘Are you sure you wanna keep on your shirt?’ Justin swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, his eyebrows pulling together.

‘Yeah, ‘m sure.’ Hayden nodded and rubbed the boy’s nipples through his shirt, before wrapping a hand around his shaft and softly stroking him. Justin closed his eyes and panted softly, biting his lower lip at the sensation.

‘You like that, buddy?’ He nodded, not responding with words. ‘How about that?’ He flicked his thumb over the head, making Justin moan out loud. ‘You can be loud for me. I like that. Nobody else is gonna hear you. Just me. The little sounds you make are just for me.’ Justin seemed to like his talking, as he started moving his hips, but that wasn’t Hayden’s plan. He pressed on the boy’s hip bones, that jutted out frantically. He was a bit skeptic about the sensitivity and fragile form of the boy, but tried not to let it stop him from doing what he did best. He squirted some (a lot of, really) lube onto his fingers. ‘Will you spread your legs for me?’ Justin nodded and cautiously opened his legs. Hayden grabbed his hands and put them in the back of his knees. ‘Hold them.’ He teased Justin’s opening with his index finger, looked him in the eyes to receive a nod and pushed it in slowly. The singer hissed, which made Hayden almost pull back.

‘No, no, it’s fine. Just gotta get used.’ Hayden pushed his finger in, fully. He wondered if his member would feel any good for Justin, if one finger hurt already, but he gave it time. They spent half an hour on preparation, using an absolute ton of lubricant. At the end of it, Justin was frantically moaning into the air and gasping for it, while pushing back onto his fingers. It had taken only shortly for Hayden to find his prostate. Justin quickly found out that that spot in his body was the most sensitive one there was. He started to like it, a lot, and begged for Hayden to add another and another finger. They went up to three easily and the fourth hurt a lot again. He had already come from two fingers and Hayden was touching himself while he opened up the boy.

‘Ready to take me, now?’ he asked when the boy was already painfully hard again. He nodded, panting heavily from the exertion. ‘I wanna hear you say it.’

‘I’m ready,’ said Justin, but it came out inexpertly.

‘You really are sure about this, right? Because I wouldn’t mind just giving you something else and moving on. It’s okay if you don’t want to do the do right now.’

‘No, Hayden, I’m _ready_. Let’s go.’

‘Do you want me on top? I just… I’d rather have you on top.’ _So I won’t break you_. Justin nodded and pulled Justin onto him. He rolled a condom over his length and lubed himself up. ‘This way you can also regulate the tempo yourself. You can figure out what feels good and what doesn’t.’ He slowly sat down on him, just taking him in piece after piece. ‘Feels good, bud?’ Justin shook his head. ‘Come towards me a little, okay? I have an idea.’ He sat down further towards Hayden’s face, still holding himself up with his feet. Hayden grabbed his hips, softly, and pushed him onto him in such a slow pace that it almost couldn’t hurt. He then decided that he was far enough in and Justin was closing his eyes. He pushed the last part in with a thrust, hitting his head right into his prostate, making Justin fall onto his chest with a cry. His body shook all over and it was so thrilling that a moan came from deep inside Hayden’s throat.

‘Feels so good, feels _so_ good,’ cried Justin, having tears stream down his cheeks like mad men.  The beautiful sounds he made came from deep within and Hayden thrusted into him like crazy. It didn’t matter, because Justin was enjoying it. He was letting him know he was enjoying it in so many ways that the comfort grew bigger between them and the insecurity subsided. They both finished off with loud grunts and moans, Hayden a little bit earlier than Justin (by only about half a minute). Justin then fell down onto the bed next to him.

‘ _Best – sex – ever_ ,’ said Hayden, putting a tone in every word that made clear he was still coming down from his high. ‘How was it, for you?’

‘ _Amazing_ ,’ was the only thing he said, then cuddled up to the man next to him.

‘How’s things gonna be for us at work, now? Are you still gonna show up at the trainings as often? Or are you gonna avoid me like the plague for the upcoming year?’

‘Nah, that’d be bad. We can, like, do this more often, if you’d like?’

‘Sex with the boss? Sounds like a _bad_ idea.’ He smirked. ‘I’m in.’


	3. I can't tell you

The next week was quiet and Justin was not present at any of the practices, which made Hayden wonder if he was avoiding him. Demoura said he was not feeling well and that he was resting in bed. His mother was with him. The dancers bought him a large “get better soon” card and a bouquet of flowers.

Friday afternoon, when Hayden had just picked Braelynn up from school, he got a phone call from a number his phone didn’t recognize. He picked up.

 _‘Hayden?’_ It was a voice, very crooked and painful sounding. It sounded pleading. He dropped the knife he was cutting an apple for Braelynn with.

‘Yes? Who is this?’

_‘Justin.’_

‘Are you okay? You sound bad.’

 _‘’m Not okay. Can you come over?’_ Hayden bit his lower lip. He didn’t want to leave him hanging, but he had Braelynn and he wanted to spend as much time as possible with her now that he still could.

‘My daughter’s with me,’ he said. ‘I don’t…  I can’t leave her alone.’

_‘Can’t you take her? I really need you.’_

‘Can you tell me what’s wrong, Justin?’

 _‘I – need – you – here_.’ He sounded really upset. _‘Please, I’ll tell you about it when you’re here. Please just come. You can take Braelynn. She can play with Esther.’_

‘Who’s Esther? Are you telling me you have a daughter, too?’

 _‘No, silly,’_  a little giggle escaped from his throat. _‘Esther’s my doggy.’_

‘Okay, okay, text me the address and we’ll be there ASAP. Do you still live in Calabasas?’

_‘No, Khloe K. bought that house from me. I’ll text you the address, ‘s not far away from you.’_

Turned out, Justin lived in an enormous villa (Google Street View said enough) in Santa Monica. It was a beach house, about twenty minutes away from Beverly Hills. Hayden clicked a button on the speaker, when he stood in front of the security gate. It was opened immediately. He drove inside the gate, which closed neatly after him. He parked his somewhat dirty and worn off Range Rover next to a brand new looking, white Maserati. The door was opened  by Justin. He looked _terrible_. His cheeks were sunken and he was wearing a large, white T-shirt with a black legging underneath. He looked like a sixteen years old with an eating disorder. _Eating disorder_ , fuck. Braelynn was hanging from him, with her arms wrapped tightly around his thighs, before Hayden could flinch. She said nothing, though, and didn’t scream. God, had Hayden raised her well. Braelynn was a fan of the “My World” music Justin had made when he was about sixteen, but she would also like it when Hayden put on some of his  new music to show her a few dance moves she requested learning, too. The girl was a dancer at heart, already, so Hayden had signed her up for ballet class twice a week, which she enjoyed to the fullest. Justin patted her head and stroked her hair.

‘Hey,’ said Hayden and joined the embrace. ‘This is Braelynn. Brae, this is Justin.’

‘I know,’ the little girl said. ‘Hi.’

‘Hi,’ smiled Justin weakly and buried his face in Hayden’s chest. ‘Let’s go inside.’

‘You sound like Death,’ noted Hayden as he followed him inside, his daughter following suit.

‘Thanks.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Do you guys want something to drink?’ He made them tea and Braelynn was soon occupied with Esther, an enthusiastic black and brown bichon frisé puppy. Hayden hadn’t known Justin owned a dog, but she was very adorable. They sat down on the couch. Hayden noticed Justin’s _Ugg_ slippers. His ankles were worryingly tiny.

‘So, now, tell me, what’s wrong?’ Hayden wrapped an arm around the boy’s fragile shoulder. Justin sighed, leaning into the touch. ‘Nick said you are sick, but you seem _ill_.’ His arm was cold. Hayden grabbed the blanket that was neatly folded on the arm rest of the sofa and wrapped it around the boy’s shoulders. ‘You need to dress warmer.’

‘This is Santa Monica.’

‘I know this is Santa Monica, Justin, but the wind of the sea is harsh and you’re cold. It won’t make you feel better. You need to be warm for your body to function more properly.’ He sighed. ‘Now tell me what’s wrong. You didn’t ask me here for no reason.’

‘Yeah… I’m just, I have to tell you something.’

‘You can tell me everything.’

‘I know. I just… It’s kind of hard, because I don’t really wanna tell you, but Nick told me that I _have_ to, because you’re the principal dancer and you need to know where we stand. I just… I don’t want to tell you. I… I’m sorry. I can’t.’ He stood up from the couch, tears were slowly dripping down his face. He made his way to the backyard, grabbing his box or Marlboro’s on the way. Hayden sighed deeply. God, what was he supposed to think of this? He checked on Braelynn for a second. She had fallen asleep on the carpet, having Esther (also sleeping) spread royally onto her body. That was cute. He let her and went outside himself. Justin was calling, sitting in a chair at the lounge outside, curled up in a ball. He listened to the conversation. ‘Scooter, _no_ , I don’t wanna. I don’t wanna.’ He cried out loud. ‘No,  no, no, no, no. You _aren’t_. Please, don’t. No, Scooter, please not, _please_ don’t. Are you there? Don’t hang up on- _No_!’ Justin threw his iPhone 6S on the ground with such force that it shattered. Parts of the phone laid spread out on the pavers. Hayden had just taken him off his list of “unproblematic faves” within a second. He sat down on the table in front of the boy and reached out to touch him, but he flinched. ‘Don’t touch me.’ He sobbed quietly. ‘You need to leave.’

‘Well, that’s a problem. I’m not leaving. I _refuse_ to leave. I came all the way down here for you to tell me what’s wrong and now you’re sending me away? I’m not fucking leaving.’

‘I’m gonna call the cobs if you don’t leave.’

‘With what phone?’ He motioned at the shattered iPhone on the ground. Justin squeaked in a way that made him sound around the age of his daughter. ‘Justin, let me in. Just let me in. I’m not gonna think differently of you, if you tell me, no matter what it  is.’ He frowned. ‘I think… I think I know.’

‘Then I don’t have to tell you.’

‘I can’t live with the insecurity of not _knowing_. I could be totally wrong. I need you to tell me.’

‘So you can _help_ me? Because you _can’t_.’

‘No, I just need to know, so I can take it into account. Just like Nick said: I’m the principal dancer. I need to know where it stands.’ Justin nodded. He gasped for air and dried his tears with his thumbs.

‘You’ve seen me cry two too many times. I don’t like it when people see me cry, Hayden, and this is already your second time.’ _Third_ , he thought, but Justin didn’t need to know he had heard him cry during lunch. Things were falling into place. He cried during lunch.

‘Tell me.’

‘I have anorexia.’ Justin then started crying harder than ever, curling up into a tiny ball and shaking all over. Hayden quickly sat down next to him and wrapped his arms around him.

‘’s Okay, baby, ‘s okay. I know, I know.’ He nodded.

‘Scooter says he’s gonna cancel the tour if I don’t get help.’

‘Don’t you wanna get help?’ Justin shook his head. ‘Why?’

‘I don’t wanna get fat again. And I don’t want somebody else dictating my life. I don’t need help, you know? I can figure this out on my own.’

‘You don’t feel the desire to get better?’

‘No. I don’t think I’m ill.’

‘I told you about my brother, right?’ Justin nodded. ‘He’s my twin, Valentine. He’s half an hour younger than me, but we’re born on a different day. I’m from February 13th and he’s a Valentine’s Day child. He hasn’t wanted to talk about it for years, it used to be taboo in our family, but he’s opening up about it. He used to have anorexia, too, was diagnosed with it when he was… seventeen? No, wait, it was after I had Braelynn. He was nineteen or twenty, but he thought it was a girls’ disease, so he didn’t want to admit to suffering from it. He was on the verge of death _twice_ and had a heart attack three years ago. Fortunately, he survived and then decided that help was what he needed. He’s doing great, now.’

‘You’re lying.’

‘I’m not lying. Why _the fuck_ would I lie about something like that? Goddammit, Justin, I can’t believe you think I would be untruthful about something this serious.’ He sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. ‘Believe me, okay? I’ve seen it all happen in the darkest period of my life thus far and I’m _not_ going to let the past repeat itself.’

‘There’s nothing you can do about-’

‘Shut up!’ yelled Hayden. ‘I understand you, I really do understand that you don’t want to get help. I’ve seen this before. It’s a stage.’ Justin tried to speak, but Hayden shushed him. ‘Shut your _fucking_ mouth. I can’t believe… Goddammit. Give me Scooter Braun’s phone number.’


End file.
